46. Another Sip (46)

Why not let it be
Or is it hope of what is there;
A drink in a glass;
Another sip of courage,
A mind numbing cocktail,
The ostrich with its head in the sand
Another sip to see...
Still empty, in this non-spectator sport
Wallowing in self-pity.
The loneliness within,
The living in the past
Listening to the words from a compact disc.
Seeking comfort in reminiscence...
A tear when the thought of, if only...
This cycle is all that is within the program
Re-written by events and the brain cells blurring.
Kicked started in the morning
And to check if still alive and breathing.
Another sip to see...
To start the self-pitying me.

Deny personal fault!
Seeking pity
As if the world has done it all on me!
The hospital warnings
Rehab of drink and drugs
And, the attempts of re-programming me...
The institution of the positive and negative,
Oh don't! Bother me.
Another sip to see...
The guilt of being inconsiderate
Self-harming, personal punishment
Only, to be selfish and not to see,
To one's that care and are close to me...
Of those whom tell me, home truths,
And fall out, as I suggest they abuse me.
As life is hard for them as it is for me
More, when they see and choose to ignore me.

On what help, I need...
Is it hope or faith?
Strength seeps out this vessel
My original program is destroying me...