58. Life's Contract (58)

The time is near,
I contemplate my past and future
And with reflection I dwell....
Will I be missed?

A question; knowing the answer.
I search for the good in people and nature...
Feeling the warmth of the sun on the surface of my skin
And look at the brightness of the sun, reflecting on the white clouds.
My mind turns to the cold wintery nights, without heat.
Alone and cold...
Will I be missed?

For two years, no work, no identity.
Only speaking to opportunists, forging their careers
At my expense, picking at my brain, as theirs are hollow...
Calling you friend, when they say let me borrow…
And on collection, they have conveniently forgotten.
On realisation and tired of being stuffed with 'sh... let's say, .... 'cotton'.
I become more reclusive and disconnect, become more elusive
Eventually saying, no to all those asking for favours...
Or do they pay for my service, no! They are opportunists and go....
The realisation causes disappointment, no not sorrow.
Will I be missed?

Family now gone, in more ways than one,
Flown the coop; relocated, divorced, exiled to-boot.
Living, their lives prosperous with rewards
Reflecting; strange unfair justice of sorts.
I question my past, the architecture of my life.
Searching, for the buttons; that could change the direction of my life.
Only, to find no 'juice', for my computer; to the plug on the wall....
Will I be missed?

A dark mist, a veil covers my soul
Blocks out the light, love, luck, faith, gold and more...
I shout......"Is anyone there?"
Only the silence and depression, ironically no apparition!
I am climbing the walls of a smooth round well
Sliding down, further into an abyss, call it what you like, Hell?
Will I be missed?

It may be strange to say, my dreams are good
I am successful, with partner like it should.
No barriers, corruption, lies, deceit,
No health, financial worries, destruction complete
And there have been times where I have drawn the line,
To crossover, so I may play with my time...
Only to splutter as a neighbour’s cat lies,
Covering my airway and pawing my eyes.
Bringing me back to reality, my life, despair
The tedious fur ball, moggie, ball of hair....
Will I be missed?

I can only conclude, I am bound by law
As a mortal to live my life on contract I'm sure...
I came to earth alone, and will leave the same way,
Signed and delivered, bound like hay…
My dreams are a reflection of what will be...
Fulfilling my contract, and living the Hell spree.
I just need faith and survive this ordeal
And hope there is more than one movie reel.

If there is a next time; like you, I don’t know!
I live my life like the status quo...
What will be a must and remember this well....
Read the small print, or you will live a Hell!